The FED, the Treasury, America and China walk into a bar …….as the four of them grab bar stools and belly up to the rail at the world famous Global Bar, a celebrity playground for the rich and famous…. the Treasury calls over to the bartender, a gentleman by the name of Mr. Global Banks, and says…
“Hey bartender….my good friend America would like to buy a couple of rounds for the house!”
America says…”Whoooaa….wait a minute, times have been tough, I’ve been out of work for a while now, I don’t have that kind of cash!”
The Treasury says… ”No problem!…..I’ll pay for the drinks…I’ll just borrow the money from YOU! (America), I’ll give you my T-bond-IOUs, and I’ll tell the FED to print the greenbacks and loan it to you through Repo to pay ME! ….isn’t that great! That way, you’ll always have the printed money from the FED to pay me back and we all get unlimited booze!…..Congress and the White House are all on board with it….something called the ‘FED balance sheet’ goes way up…but don’t worry about it…..it’s a no-brainer….the FED will do whatever I tell ’em!!…”
America says “Really?….we can do that? The FED can just print money, give it to me, and I can give it to you to buy drinks for everyone at the Global Bar?….you can just pick and choose who to give it to?….even people I don’t like? Even rich dudes who don’t need free liquor? Even people who hate me and are always trying too kill me?… That “death to America” thing is really starting to bug me….anyway….if you can actually do that…That’s AWESOME!….and you are sure that Mr. Global Banks and the owner of the Global Bar are both ok with it?”
Treasury: “Absolutely….it was actually their idea!…they want to sell drinks!….and all the other customers in the Global Bar are all for it too …as long as the free liquor keeps flowing!”
As easy as that….Mr. Global Banks starts pouring drinks for everyone in the Global Bar and the party kicks into high gear. Everyone is thrilled…jumping for joy….cocktails all around. But when Mr. Banks gets around to China, China tells Mr Global Banks that he doesn’t drink (Communists are apparently teetotalers) and if possible, he would rather have shares of stock in the Global Bar than a free cocktail. China tells Mr Global Banks that he’ll make it worth his while, so Mr. Banks spins the pitch and gets permission from the owner of the bar (a consortium of anonymous investors run out of a ShellCo in the Caymans) to sell fractional ownership of the Global Bar to China. After this negotiation, China is now getting a teensey-weensey-tiny-little-bit of an ownership interest in the Global Bar, instead of all the free drinks from Mr. Global Banks. Why would the Global Bar care anyway?….they were making money hand over fist selling drinks! China is SOOOO DUMB!
So the FED, the Treasury, America and China continue to meet at the Global Bar every night for decades, all the while, the Treasury, the FED, America and everyone at the Global Bar are becoming alcoholics, have developed chronic liver disease, can’t find work and are stumbling and bumbling through life, printing and spending greenbacks like there’s no tomorrow. All the while, their good friend China has been staying totally sober, using the “free” greenbacks to purchase a tiny bit of the Global Bar every day while Mr. Global Banks, per the Global Bar owner’s instruction, keeps raising drink prices, making it much more expensive for America, the FED and the Treasury to get shitfaced. China, of course, didn’t care about the drink prices since they weren’t buying drinks…China was actually getting MORE shares in the Global Bar since the drink prices kept going up…. slowly gaining even more ownership in the Global Bar….all China had to do was show up at the Global Bar every night and pick up their tiny, little share certificates.
After decades of this non-stop partying, carousing and incredible fun, fully brain-damaged by alcohol poisoning from virtually unlimited “free” liquor… one night after the four of them arrived at the Global Bar and had asked Mr. Global Banks for a couple of rounds of cocktails for the house as usual, oddly enough, this time, to their surprise, shock and chagrin…. Mr. Global Banks said….
“Ummmm…..uhh….sorry guys…you know I love ya’…you’ve been great customers for years…..but I can’t do it. The boss says that we can’t take your money anymore….he says all of this printed money is everywhere …we’ve got dump trucks full of it scattered all over the Global Bar ….he says it’s f&*$#ing worthless….you got anything else you can use for payment instead of these junky greenbacks?”
When they heard this, America, the Treasury and the FED were outraged, shocked and indignant!….”How dare the owner of this crappy establishment not accept our greenbacks?….we are your best customers!…..we’ve been coming here every day for decades…this is an outrage!….an outrage I tell you!….we demand to speak to the owner…where’s the owner of this dump??!!”
Mr. Global Banks points to the end of the bar…..he says… ”The new owner is sitting right over there…”
China was sitting at the end of the bar….grinning that turd-eating grin that only a Chinese Communist drinking buddy can grin…..and he says….
“Guys, Guys, Guys!…..I’m the new owner!…..been buying it up for decades…now I have financial control…..welcome to the new Global Bar!…..Now…I’m going to give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yellow, no-good, keisters off my property ……keep the change you filthy animals….”